Not only does the Church in the Pines community invest in families of seriously ill children who are served on our campuses, but they ensure that those worshipping with them on Sundays have their needs met. The Caregiver Support Group was initiated as a ministry to walk alongside those in their worshipping community and greater Lake Martin area who are caring for adults with various forms of dementia. Sue Ann McMahan was pivotal in launching this group. Read on to see what Sue Ann has to say about this group and how you can be involved.
How did the Caregiver Support Group start?
In 2014, I retired from IBM and my mother, Nancy Chalker was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and soon thereafter my father, Frank, was diagnosed with senile dementia based on bereavement and mini strokes. My husband Wayne and I agreed they were inseparable and moved them to our home in the Ridge on Lake Martin. The quality of their last golden years improved significantly but as I often say to other caregivers, this is not the solution for many. I attended the Caregiver Support Group at First United Methodist Church in Montgomery where I received so much compassion and education for this new mission of caring for someone with brain failure. The key learnings were to have a salaried caregiver(s) for a portion of each weekday, when to engage Palliative or Hospice Care, and to maintain our own lives during this journey. When Mom went to Jesus in 2017, we honored her life and not the disease she had for only five of her years. Wayne, Dad and I moved forward in a similar way. A couple of months after our younger son, Brannen, and Bailey married on the lake in April 2020, Wayne passed away unexpectedly. With this huge high followed by a devastating low, our newly joined family was forged in love. I will always believe Dad waited a full year before he passed away just to make sure his daughter was going to be okay. The night before he passed, I had the awesome opportunity to walk him to Jesus, “Dad, are you ready to see Mom and Melanie (my sister)? Dad are you ready to see Jesus? YES to both.” I replied holding his strong hands that had held me as a child; “I’m going to be fine, you know I have Kurt (oldest son) and Dayna, and Brannen and Bailey, and this community…you can go now.” I walked out on my deck and looking up I said “Jesus, he is all Yours, thank You.” All of this and more has shaped my compassion, respect, and desire to help fellow caregivers here on Lake Martin.
How long has the Caregiver Support Group been around?
The group started on May, 3, 2022. Months after Dad passed away, I already knew there was a great need in our Lake Martin community (retirement and recreational community) for the same support I received when I took on the responsibility of my parent’s care (financial, medical, and wellbeing). This not-so-gentle nudging led me to talk to my friends Luanne and Ben Russell (Children’s Harbor Founders), and Cat Outzen (Children’s Harbor CEO), which led me to an interview with Mike Densmore (Children’s Harbor Chaplain). I mean, come on-Children’s Harbor is for seriously ill children and their families. But after Mike and I exchanged testimonies and possibilities, he became a champion of “we are all God’s children.”
What is its mission?
As a new ministry for Children’s Harbor and with the support of Russell Lands, we uphold the standards of both as a faith-based entity. Our focus is to provide support for the primary care partner(s) of a loved one or friend living with dementia. We prioritized dementia (brain failure) due to the demographics of the Lake Martin community and known cases. Alzheimer’s is the most significant disease in this category followed by Parkinson’s, Lewy Body, Frontal Lobe, and others. “Over 65, 1 in 9 will develop AD and over half of us will help care for someone much to our own expense.”
What does a typical group meeting look like?
From the start, we sought to provide a safe experience (harbor): “what happens in support group stays in support group.” A typical meeting always includes sharing new developments, challenges, “ah ha” moments, and gifts along the journey. We share all emotions; joys, tears, laughter, grief, and anger. The beauty is how to a person, they support one another with empathy and compassion, then share what works for them. One may come in a puddle of tears, and during the middle of a meeting provide experiential advice to someone else. Once a quarter we have a guest speaker; Dr. Robert Edwards comes regularly, Dr. Margie Taylor (Psychiatrist), David Welborn (Elder Law), Kelly Adams (Beyond Home Care), and Christy Baynes and Tracey Smith (Life Care Solutions) attend each meeting to provide professional advice.
Where does this group meet?
We meet at the Children’s Harbor Harbor Lodge the first Tuesday of every month throughout the year from 12 – 2 p.m.
How have you seen this group impact it’s members?
The caregivers have given feedback that shows how much the group has impacted them. See what they have said below:
“I feel seen, understood and surrounded by others who know this journey.” Sandi
“Everything has been great! Just listening to others and what they are dealing with and suggestions from the group on how to find help, sitters, etc. has been great! Empathy for others. Speakers have been great too.” Jan
“I am a newcomer, having come about three times, but hearing what Jan says makes me want to add a loud AMEN—TO EACH OF HER THOUGHTS. Sue Ann, your devotion to this group must be driven by an intense desire to bring relief and answers and support to us folks who are struggling.” Caroline
“I think the sessions are beneficial because of the interaction with those going through similar situations. I know we are all in different stages of caregiving but just hearing from those who have experienced what I am now experiencing is comforting and hearing suggestions is most beneficial.” John
“I’m thrilled this is available. I’ve not experienced this level of support in other cities we’ve lived in. I plan to attend whenever able.” Gina
“I don’t know what I would do without this group. I am better because of it even though I cannot come every month.” Janet
The tools and tips shared by professionals and people like me around the table have helped.” Jim
“We can cry and laugh in the same session. Thanks for the guest speakers.” Keith
The synergy of sharing experiences has led most members to a deeper knowledge for available resources. All members realize they are not alone. A sense of reality has evolved for all that each day of relative independence is a gift from God. “Each of you are living out your vows possible more than ever!” Mike Densmore
Why is it so important to join a support group like this?
Frankly they are, or soon will be, thinking for two. They must assume the financial, home, and healthcare management for them and their loved one. Caregivers are more likely to have dementia or other physical issues in life due to their role–just think about thinking for two all the time. Anything we can do to support them on this journey enables a better outcome.
Do you invite outside voices or medical professionals to speak at meetings?
Beyond Home Care, Life Care Solutions, and Home RN are valued participants providing experienced medical advice.
How can one get involved and who can they contact?
Sue Ann McMahan at [email protected] or Mike Densmore (Children’s Harbor Chaplain) at [email protected].
What are some long term goals?
To reach all who need or even think they need this through outreach on social and word of mouth.
And…
A Respite Program (not adult day care) for people living with dementia in Alexander City modeled after the proven and award-winning Respite For All Foundation https://respiteforall.org/.
